My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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