it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
