We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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