Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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