i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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