Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
drinking out of a sandbucket again
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize