Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
