Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
