the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
