There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
