sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she woke up with a sticky ear
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
