I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
