you would pick up someone in the library
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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