So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Farmville is her only friend.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
