4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize