Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
