I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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