i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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