I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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