We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
