you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
