If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
