Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
