"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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