to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
