I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
