Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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