Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Where is the hickey?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
