We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My dick has a subreddit
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
