Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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