You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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