so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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