I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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