I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
