Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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