Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
