I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
