Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
