I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
