Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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