So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
