I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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