Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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