She said her name was "party"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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