Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize