hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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