He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
