brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
