party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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