Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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