i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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