this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
