cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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