Where did you get a picture of my penis
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
