remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
