idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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