you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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