God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
