1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
