Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
