i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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