time to smoke my breakfast
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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