operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
