no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
