My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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