i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
